Supernova
by Singtoangels1
Summary: Okay, from chapter 4 on, there will be cussing. Rating has changed, like it was really G anyway. Give this story a shot, let me know if you like it! It has Xander-evilness in it...
1. chapter one

Title: Supernova  
Authour: Sing to Angels  
Disclaimer: I don't own Xander, although I really wish that I did cause he is yummy. Also, I don't own Joss Wedon, Grr Argh, or anything associated with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
Spoilers: Hell's Bells, it all goes AU from there though  
Authour's Notes: I wrote and posted this a long time ago, but I decided to pull it out and repost it all fixed with added stuff. Thanks to Eve for beta reading this. If you read this before, you might want to read it again because it is totally changed. Also, I'm breaking it up to post in parts so it isn't totally overwhelming for ya'll. As with all of my stories, this isn't really a 'G', think of it as an R with some naughty stuff later which I'll give proper warnings for. All bad words have been bleeped out, but you'll still be able to tell what it used to be. I don't have a credit card to pay ff.net with, otherwise I would so I could get higher rated stuff. People must think my stuff is lame and just skim over it. :(  
Feedback: Always wanting it, makes the brain more wrinkly with knowledge and stuff. Singtoangels@hotmail.com, Singtoangels@earthlink.net 

Xander sat in his motel room, staring at the nicotine stained walls. He knew with a keen certainty that he was probably the least favourite person in the eyes of the Scooby clan right now. Leaving Anya at the altar as he did. 

"Geez Xan-man, what the hell where _you_ thinking?"

He remembered seeing that false vision of his life with Anya and it petrified him. But even more than that, Xander realised that it came far too close to the future he really saw for Anya and himself. He loved her, that much was true. But was it real? Xander didn't know. All he knew was that when he fell for that type of woman, it always ended in disaster. Hell, any woman for that matter. But especially those strong, greedy, tactless, vain women he always seemed to tumble after; they were murder on his carefully constructed ego. He only felt slightly guilty about Anya, and that scared him because if nothing else, she was his companion, his friend. He should burn in hell for what he had done.

"God, I've got to get away from this burg for awhile."

Xander knew that he couldn't look his friends in the face after this fiasco, at least not now. Oh God, oh God, oh God. Definitely not Anya, no way. She was probably crying somewhere, and after she finished doing that, destroying his X-men comics one by one. Ok, time to go now. Yes, time to go.

"I'm taking the loser's way out, but I don't care. I need some Xander time. It's like that Offspring song Oz was always singing. Gotta get away, gotta get away, gotta get away from here..."

Still singing and mumbling to himself in a manic sort of way, Xander grabbed his rented coat and headed out the door to his car. He cranked the engine and it puttered before finally giving in and starting up. He didn't have any clothes but the ones on his back, no money but a ten dollar bill and an uncashed check in his wallet. It was the middle of the night, and the stars were dim from the sodium lights illuminating the town, reflecting off of the always present haze that hovered over southern California. Xander wanted to see the stars for once. To see that the Earth was still here and it would continue to be alive long after he was dust and bones. The eternity of the stars both chilled and thrilled Xander. They were so crisp, so clean, so cold. But innocent and out of reach.

As he pondered this, Xander realised how philosophical he sounded and how little his friends actually knew him. But he didn't have anyone to blame other than himself for that. It was the mask he wore, the Barbie Doll Syndrome. Or in his case, maybe Steve Martin. Shoot, Anya never even knew that he had brain one behind those 'beady eyes'. Maybe he was too content with that. After all, he hadn't wanted to outshine or threaten Willow when it used to be that her brains were all she had. So maybe he wasn't a hacker genius, but he loved knowledge for it's own sake. Comic books took him to a fantasy land where he could live for a little while. Playing stupid had only made him feel more stupid though. 

Somewhere along the way, Xander felt that he had lost the book smarts of which he once had been secretly proud, even though that wasn't true. Researching the big bads became as boring as he had always claimed it to be. It made him sick inside because now he didn't even have the smug knowledge that he really was an intelligent person. Was being the keyword here. Stupid. Huckt on fonix didn't work for him. Average.

Ok, time to stop thinking. Xander reached over to turn on the radio and listened with growing annoyance to the stupid Britney Spears song that came pouring forth. Remembering something, he carefully opened the glove box and tried to find a tape with only his fingers to guide him. Ah ha, got it! Xander pulled open the case and yanked out the tape with his teeth. Discarding the box, he plugged the cassette into the slot on his radio and nodded along appreciatively. He remembered that the tape had been leftover from when the real Xander stepped out to play over a year ago. He didn't know whether to curse that Gemini stick thing or thank the guy who used it on him for reminding him of who he really was. 

There were two weeks he had booked off for his honeymoon, so he had at least that long to go on sabbatical, perhaps find a self he could live comfortably with. Maybe he would go to Mexico. Avoid the tourist traps, enjoy the nature. Come back in a few weeks and hopefully start his life over. With Anya, or maybe without her, Xander hadn't decided yet. 

As he cruised south along the highway, Xander opened his window to the fresh air coming off of the ocean and smiled to himself. Yeah, it was going to be a great two weeks.


	2. chapter two

It had been four days since Xander had arrived at a secluded spot near Cancun. He stayed away from the day-trippers during sunlit hours, and at night he came out of the woods where he camped to swim in a beautiful lake beneath the stern gaze of a towering Aztec pyramid. He explored all of it under cover of night. It was something he could never do in vampire-infested Sunnydale. Xander had always thought of himself as more nocturnal than diurnal and he relished this chance to be free of the unusual-usual nightlife.

It was just after twilight when Xander walked out of the forest, heading out for his nightly swim. He stopped though when he spotted a woman at the water's edge. Even under the full moon's light, he couldn't see her face. But she had long, dark hair which fell in waves over her naked form. She was pale and the moon bathed it's daughter in silver as she slowly made her way into water still warm from the sun.

Xander felt odd standing there, but couldn't help it. He was rooted to the spot and unable to even blink as he watched the unknown female splash her breasts and face with the rapidly cooling water. She was beautiful, the most enchanting woman he'd ever seen and he was watching her bathe in the nude. He didn't know her name, couldn't see the details of her countenance, but already Xander was just a little bit in love. At least the male parts of his anatomy were.

He crept closer, trying to think of a way to introduce himself without embarrassing her. No luck in the thinking department apparently because he was stumped. She started to rise from the water and make her way back to land. Xander turned around quickly, hoping that she hadn't seen him staring. He was dying for a glimpse of her face, but dared not look for fear of her bashing him with a rock at seeing her without a stitch.

Apparently she wasn't very concerned by his presence because she hummed to herself as she shook out and donned sandy clothes.

"Uh, I didn't mean to see you naked, but I usually come down here at night to swim. I'm uh, sorry if I embarrassed you or anything." Oooh, that was real smooth. Dumbass.

The moon went behind a cloud as he heard her zip up her dress. Xander turned around, but couldn't make out her face under cover of darkness. The woman was only a shadow against the blackness as she slowly made her way towards him. Reaching up, she gently caressed his face with soft, wet fingertips.

"The stars sang to me of your pain. They told me you would come. That wicked Slayer and her friends don't appreciate you."

Clouds shifted over the moon, allowing the brilliance to spread over the land once again. Xander's heart shrivelled as he looked down into the large, luminous eyes of Drusilla.

"Oh my God," was all that Xander could manage to breathe out as he shoved Drusilla backwards. She laughed a little crazily and moved towards him again.

"And you've been naughty too. Leaving your little girl at the altar in her pretty dress to talk with the flowers. Tsk tsk tsk," Dru waved her finger at him before settling deceptively gentle fingertips on his collarbone. Again, Xander was spellbound and unable to find his feet. She crept her fingers up the column of his neck to a bristly cheek. He flinched.

"Shhh...Mummy isn't going to hurt you. I've always had a soft spot for the little puppy eyes. Didn't want Daddy or my sweet William to get you. Now look what a man you've grown into; not a boy anymore." Dru petted his hair with delicate, spidery hands as she took in his tall, dark form with a pout.

"I'm lonely, Alexander. I need a friend to play with me."

Xander snapped out of the trance and pushed her away again as he backed up himself.

"Are you nuts? Wait, don't answer that. You're a vampire, you've tried to kill my friends more times than I can count and you want me to be your play date?! Did you think I was going to just going to say yes? I mean, I knew you were crazy before, but you just proved yourself again."

He turned and started to walk away, hunting for a bit of wood, but there she was in front of him, blocking the path. Moving faster than he could see, she had taken his hands in her own. Dru placed one around her small waist and the other over the spot where she used to have a heart. She swayed slightly with the breeze rising from the warm lake.

"I know you want me, young one. I can feel it zipping through your heartstrings and catching your belly on fire," she leaned up and closer to his face, her lips inches away. "I can quench that fire. I can help you find yourself, be free from the shadows the Slayer casts, even here. I can make the stars burn bright for you, so that you can see them from here on this little blue ball that spins round and round. And you won't be afraid of them ever again, not even when the sun falls and all is darkness. You just have to let me in."

__

...heaven, is in the palm of my hand and its waiting here for you...

God, she was reading his mind. She knew what he really wanted; freedom from fear and all of the petty bulls**t that had been keeping him down for so long. Xander closed his eyes, letting that be his only move towards acceptance. If he moved more than his eyelids, it felt like a betrayal. If he allowed himself to think about it, he would have run farther and faster than he ever had before. But he didn't. He only stood there, patiently established in the sand and aching for her to make the move and da*n him for all eternity. God knows he earned it. Maybe he did feel guilty after all.

__

...if I close my eyes forever, will it all remain unchanged... 

Drusilla leaned up and kissed him gently on the mouth. He didn't respond. Waiting for the fangs to descend, maybe killing him for good like he deserved. She stroked his hair, petting him, soothing him. Dru pushed down on his shoulders, making him kneel before her. Xander looked up into her glittering eyes. There was real compassion there and it surprised him. She was a soulless demon, supposedly incapable of any emotion other than hate and disdain. But there she was; innocent as the stars above them.

__

...will it all remain the same... 

"You aren't really evil are you? You are like a little...doll. Only you can't see right and wrong, you just live and survive."

__

...and when we sleep will you shelter me in your cold and dark embrace...

Drusilla smiled down at him simply. "You know me. I don't want to be bad, but I am. I'm very bad. Now shush, Mummy is going to work magic tonight. Turn you into a real boy," she let a finger drift down to halt his lips.

Xander stilled. 'What am I doing?' he thought to himself. It was just as crazy as she was, letting her touch him, letting her live for that matter. He should have turned her into dust as soon as he recognised her. But he didn't. It wasn't as if he had anything to live for. So many years of loneliness, anger, frustration, pain; all rolled up into one it left a bitter taste in Xander's mouth. Oh, there was the prick of her canines on his throat. She did it so gently, and yet he knew from experience that Drusilla was everything but gentle. Nine times out of ten anyway. The trees were getting blurry and Xander felt himself moved onto his back. Drusilla was above him, straddling his hips with her pale, soft legs. He looked up at the stars. They really did seem to twinkle even brighter than before in the black, Mexican sky. It was the only thing Xander could concentrate on as he felt the life slipping down Drusilla's throat. The wind on his cheek, the lap of the water on the sand, none of it mattered. But when Drusilla pulled away from him, he whimpered. She wasn't done, he wasn't dead yet. The light from the moon reflected in her dark eyes, Xander could see himself lying under her. Half-dead he seemed, not dead yet, not dead yet. Finish it, please Drusilla. I just want it over. He didn't say that out loud, the strength was all gone. But Xander remained in the cooling shell surrounding his spirit.

__

...will you ever take me?... 

Drusilla bit her wrist and the blood flowed silver in the dark night, on a pale arm, under the glowing moon.

"Drink, Alexander. Feel the passion rise for it, the hunger. Live for me."

He didn't want the blood, even though it was so pretty as it dripped down her arm and onto his shirt. But her eyes compelled him and he opened his mouth anyway, allowing a few drops to burn on his tongue. They dissolved instantly and he wanted more. He wanted it, her, the stars and blood and moon. He had died in her arms this night, only he was going to live again. He didn't want to live again. Xander wanted to die. It hurt so much. But drawing strength from those few precious drops, he grabbed her arm in a tight grip and squeezed out more blood into his waiting mouth. He latched onto it and drank more deeply. Drusilla closed her eyes in ecstasy and moaned her pleasure.

__

...no I just can't take the pain...

Finally, Xander stopped, closed his eyes and died. Drusilla smiled happily to herself as she lifted him in her arms and carried him back to the temple where she made her home. He would rise tomorrow evening; and he would be hungry, very hungry. She must make sure to have some tasty snacks waiting for him when he rose.


	3. chapter three

Cold, gentle claws brushed across Xander's cheek; waking him from a deep slumber. For a moment, he thought that it must be one of Anya's demon friends come to annoy him while he slept. Xander brushed them away as he tried to find that place he had been dreaming of again. 

"Wakey wakey. Mummy knows you are hungry, she can feel it."

Xander opened his eyes, and jumped back into the wall, obviously startled by what he saw. Drusilla stood there, patiently waiting for him to peel his flesh from the partition and sit down like a good boy. Xander realised that it wasn't Drusilla who startled him, or rather not only her; it was the sudden clarity with which he now beheld the world.

The mad vampiress was several feet from him at present, far across the large, dark room in fact, but he could plainly make out her features as if she had been standing in full sunlight only two feet away. Xander glanced down at his hands, which were pale and still covered with a crust of callus from his manual labours as a human. As a human, he shuddered at the thought. No longer did Xander Harris count himself among the living, and he really didn't know how he felt about that. Not yet anyway. Adjusting surprisingly well to his new found state, Xander started towards Drusilla. His body felt incredibly light, as if he could float into the stone ceiling merely by willing it so.

"I-I don't really know what to make of this. I don't know whether I should thank you or... curse you."

Drusilla smiled simply. "You'll know soon enough. Come and drink, young one. Miss Edith and I have made a wonderful feast for you!" she giggled and clasped her hands together in delight. Taking his fingers in a cool grasp, she led Xander to a small part of the stone room separated by a curtain. She urged him to pull it aside and he did so. He wasn't surprised by the fact that there were three women behind it, huddled in a protective mass. Xander had heard the heartbeats and smelled the dusk on their skin before he even opened his eyes.

He was hesitant at first to kill the girls. Oh it wasn't because of any mortal conscience; that had flown the moment he woke up. Or maybe it had been gone long before that, Xander didn't know. Three hearts pumped through the small bodies this red elixir. And he needed, wanted, craved that liquid sustenance. Aqua vitae, life, now his to control. The fate of these brittle children. Could he do it? Was it possible? Yes, to everything. 

It was a new experience for Xander, one which he planned on relishing for a long time after this moment was over and their candles had been snuffed within his cool, hard fingertips. 

Xander had always wondered what it was like to kill a human being. Since he was a small child being repetitively beaten, there had been a fascination with the act. Cold? Never. More warm; with the gush of blood and soft sighs and gurgles the throat would make as he crushed the life from it. So it would be now.

He grasped the first woman, dead fingers around her pretty throat. Xander was surprised at how easily the head popped off of her shoulders with a simple squeeze. He looked down at hands now covered with warmth and licked them softly. Pushing her towards Drusilla, Xander took the second girl into his arms. This time it was slower as he tested out his newly sharpened canines by ripping out her voice box and clamping his mouth over the madly spurting wound. He was so hungry, the bird-like bones of her shoulders crunched under his bruising grip. She was a bloody pulp when he was done sucking every bit of juice from her body.

The last one, well, it was time to share. Inviting Drusilla to kneel beside him, Xander took the fragile neck of the frightened human in his waiting hands and gently broke the surface of her skin. The woman sighed in horrified ecstasy until Drusilla clamped onto her shoulder. The screams were annoying Xander, thus, he snapped her neck so they could continue to feed in silence.

After a moment, Drusilla reached over to wipe his mouth with a lacy handkerchief. Seeing that the cloth did almost nothing to the red stains on his face, she started to lick his skin the way a mother cat would groom her babies.

"Mmmn, can't have my pet all dirty can I?" 

Finishing with the impromptu bath, Drusilla kissed the sated vampire on the lips and settled into his arms. Xander looked over at the victims and noticed something that he hadn't before. He reached over and picked up the mangled head of the first fatality and placed it next to the other bodies. Hmmn, two blondes and a redhead. Dru had a impish sense of the appropriate. A symbol of his mortal ties which he had just readily destroyed. But everything wasn't severed yet. The strings were still dangling.

"Drusilla, I have to go back to Sunnydale...tie up some loose ends."

Said vampire looked at Xander in horror, she had lost Spike in Sunnydale. The place had bad memories, very bad memories. Miss Edith didn't say anything either way about it, the doll gazed at Drusilla out of unblinking little eyes which glistened with reflected light.

"I don't like it there. All those mean people will want to hurt you and me."

"Don't worry Dru, I won't let them mess with you. But I have to go finish this or I will never be able to leave that place behind."

Drusilla didn't understand this exactly, but she nodded anyway. Xander smiled a little, she was being brave for him. She was so like a child. So trusting and tender...and destructive, he remembered with a grin as he looked down at the redhead beside them. Rising to his feet, Xander held out his hand to help her up.

"Come on, let's blow this tomb. Leave the dead where they belong."

The vampiress in his arms smiled and burrowed deeper into his casual encircling arm. Yes, this one was stronger than even he knew. Great potential. And he would protect her, take care of her. Things would be like they were supposed to be again. It would be just her, Alexander, and Miss Edith. A family.

"Yes, you are no longer a pup, my pet."


	4. Chapter Four

Cold, gentle claws brushed across Xander's cheek; waking him from a deep slumber. For a moment, he thought that it must be one of Anya's demon friends come to annoy him while he slept. Xander brushed them away as he tried to find that place he had been dreaming of again. 

"Wakey, wakey. Mummy knows you are hungry, she can feel it."

Xander opened his eyes, and jumped back into the wall, obviously startled by what he saw. Drusilla stood there, patiently waiting for him to peel his flesh from the partition and sit down like a good boy. Xander realised that it wasn't Drusilla who startled him, or rather not only her; it was the sudden clarity with which he now beheld the world.

The mad vampiress was several feet from him at present, far across the large, dark room in fact, but he could plainly make out her features as if she had been standing in full sunlight only two feet away. Xander glanced down at his hands, which were pale and still covered with a crust of callus from his manual labours as a human. As a human, he shuddered at the thought. No longer did Xander Harris count himself among the living, and he really didn't know how he felt about that. Not yet anyway. Adjusting surprisingly well to his new found state, Xander started towards Drusilla. His body felt incredibly light, as if he could float into the stone ceiling merely by willing it so.

"I-I don't really know what to make of this. I don't know whether I should thank you or... curse you."

Drusilla smiled simply. "You'll know soon enough. Come and drink, young one. Miss Edith and I have made a wonderful feast for you!" she giggled and clasped her hands together in delight. Taking his fingers in a cool grasp, she led Xander to a small part of the stone room separated by a curtain. She urged him to pull it aside and he did so. He wasn't surprised by the fact that there were three women behind it, huddled in a protective mass. Xander had heard the heartbeats and smelled the dust on their skin before he even opened his eyes.

He was hesitant at first to kill the girls. Oh it wasn't because of any mortal conscience; that had flown the moment he woke up. Or maybe it had been gone long before that, Xander didn't know. Three hearts pumped through the small bodies this red elixir. And he needed, wanted, craved that liquid sustenance. Aqua vitae, life, now his to control. The fate of these brittle children. Could he do it? Was it possible? Yes, to everything. 

It was a new experience for Xander, one which he planned on relishing for a long time after this moment was over and their candles had been snuffed within his cool, hard fingertips. 

Xander had always wondered what it was like to kill a human being. Since he was a small child being repetitively beaten, there had been a fascination with the act. Cold? Never. More warm; with the gush of blood and soft sighs and gurgles the throat would make as he crushed the life from it. So it would be now.

He grasped the first woman, dead fingers around her pretty throat. Xander was surprised at how easily the head popped off of her shoulders with a simple squeeze. He looked down at hands now covered with warmth and licked them softly. Pushing her towards Drusilla, Xander took the second girl into his arms. This time it was slower as he tested out his newly sharpened canines by ripping out her voice box and clamping his mouth over the madly spurting wound. He was so hungry, the bird-like bones of her shoulders crunched under his bruising grip. She was a bloody pulp when he was done sucking every bit of juice from her body.

The last one, well, it was time to share. Inviting Drusilla to kneel beside him, Xander took the fragile neck of the frightened human in his waiting hands and gently broke the surface of her skin. The woman sighed in horrified ecstasy until Drusilla clamped onto her shoulder. The screams were annoying Xander, thus, he snapped her neck so they could continue to feed in silence.

After a moment, Drusilla reached over to wipe his mouth with a lacy handkerchief. Seeing that the cloth did almost nothing to the red stains on his face, she started to lick his skin the way a mother cat would groom her babies.

"Mmmn, can't have my pet all dirty can I?" 

Finishing with the impromptu bath, Drusilla kissed the sated vampire on the lips and settled into his arms. Xander looked over at the victims and noticed something that he hadn't before. He reached over and picked up the mangled head of the first fatality and placed it next to the other bodies. Hmmn, two blondes and a redhead. Dru had a impish sense of the appropriate. A symbol of his mortal ties which he had just readily destroyed. But everything wasn't severed yet. The strings were still dangling.

"Drusilla, I have to go back to Sunnydale...tie up some loose ends."

Said vampire looked at Xander in horror, she had lost Spike in Sunnydale. The place had bad memories, very bad memories. Miss Edith didn't say anything either way about it, the doll gazed at Drusilla out of unblinking little eyes which glistened with reflected light.

"I don't like it there. All those mean people will want to hurt you and me."

"Don't worry, I won't let them mess with you. But I have to go finish this or I will never be able to leave that place behind."

Drusilla didn't understand this exactly, but she nodded anyway. Xander smiled a little, she was being brave for him. She was so like a child. So trusting and tender...and destructive, he remembered with a grin as he looked down at the redhead beside them. Rising to his feet, Xander held out his hand to help her up.

"Come on, let's blow this tomb. Leave the dead where they belong."

The vampiress in his arms smiled and burrowed deeper into his casual encircling arm. Yes, this one was stronger than even he knew. Great potential. And he would protect her, take care of her. Things would be like they were supposed to be again. It would be just her, Alexander, and Miss Edith. A family.

"Yes, you are no longer a pup, my pet."


End file.
